I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
