Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
