Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
