btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
