I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
