i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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