Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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