Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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