so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
