Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
