I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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