Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
