She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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