There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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