good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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