i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
