I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
