News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
