he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
