I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize