it's too hot outside to masturbate.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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