I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So much rum. So many feels.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
