i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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