Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
