I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
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the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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