The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
