u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
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waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
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You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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