saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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