would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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