well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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