better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
