yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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