You were right. It hurts to walk today.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
