Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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