I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
