Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
