I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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