The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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