ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
