OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm passing your future prison.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
