my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
