So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
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Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
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my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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