i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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