And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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