Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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