Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Alive.
So much puke
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
