oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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