whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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