Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
