the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
