vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Vodka?
Forever.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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