Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
