i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
