Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
