"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
