if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
