You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
this will be a night to untag.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
