I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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