sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
