Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
