Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My ass is underappreciated
Success! We fucked roommates!
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