i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
