i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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