Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
