He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just high enough for therapy.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
