Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
