Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
