And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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