I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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