listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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