Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
