So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
