Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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