Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
