A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
