I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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