dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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