sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
