im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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