i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She told me I should be a condom model.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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